The last ten or twelve times I’ve sat down to write I try to expect content to magically transfer from heart to hand. Lately I feel like all the words and ideas in my head are just spinning a weak little web that can’t hold up to the other demands in my life. There has been nothing outstanding in my thought-life.
To be entirely honest, I feel like I’ve stuck myself in mental limbo. It’s having a laptop, smart phone and a vast collection of movies at my disposal. Not the best way to kick off becoming better. I have to qualify my confession with the fact that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Like I always come back to, I never want to use my age as an excuse for laziness. It’s not a valid one. I am a teenager. I am still learning. But I have a brain and all my limbs are functioning (they aren’t very graceful but they work) and I think that that’s a pretty great starting place.
The thing is, this evening a took a look inwardly at myself. My desires and my ambitions. I thought about college and I thought about what point I’m at personally, outside of DLC and music and tour and our lifestyle. Just me and Jesus and how we intertwine. But I couldn’t quite weed everything out. My constant thought has grown to, “I am outrageously excited about what the next chapters in my life hold.” Because where I am now is absolutely incredible. If I keep growing up and out I have no idea what might happen.
Tonight I felt inclined to power down and pick up a book. And like God does in His Fatherly way, my thoughts exploded life fireworks in the framework of all I have been pondering lately.
The prompting of this post wasn’t about me-really. It’s about Christ. His completion even in my complacency. I was reading a book that was sort of hashing out human perception of reality. We joke about pondering the meaning of it all, but the fact of the matter is that everyone in some way is going to ponder what life is all about. In the big picture it doesn’t make any sense until Christ comes in. You know the intensity of life in your own way-whether you know Jesus or not we can all agree that this world we live in has so much capacity for ruin and heartache and things don’t always make sense. But the beauty in the brokenness is that it all points to the Gospel.
Whether we are willing to reckon with it or not, the tragic is due to our human nature. We are born into a desperation for a gap in our hearts to be filled. We were born to worship something. Naturally we choose the things that cause instant gratification. But the Gospel is sacrifice. It’s based on one man who came to earth miraculously born of a virgin, in the most vulnerable state we humans will ever find ourselves in. He humbled Himself enough to be brought into this fallen world in a dirty stable. Among animals and filth. He lived for others in life, and in death He was more selfless than we have the capacity to be on our own. He died a humiliating death so that we could live eternally. His blood was spilled to cover our sin-our worship of instant gratification. He bore the wrath of God so that when God the Father looks at the ones who accepted Him, He sees purity. He sees righteous Children who had no hand in their redemption but that they took the hand offered to them and said, “yes, I believe that Christ is for me.”
A change happens in our hearts when we first recognize who Christ is. We see life in a new light. As the Holy Spirit fills us and begins to shape us like Christ, we find that our lives become sacrificial. Things hurt. Compassion breaks our hearts, humans break our hearts, earth breaks our hearts. But the eternal hope the sprung into motion when Jesus said, “it is finished” keeps propelling us forward. The hearts of humans created to worship are not satisfied until they find something beyond themselves to adore. Deep within us is a craving for redemption. The something beyond that causes an inward cavern of absolute desperation for more.
I’ve hit a nerve, perhaps?
The thing that propelled this thought the most was a line I recently read by Tozer.
“Our reality is contingent on His (God’s).”
This sentence is one of the most profound things I have ever read. God is the first and the last. He brought time into being because we are incapable of handling His forever-ness. He is all powerful. He created our reality in a way that reveals Himself to us without saying a word. The stars that came from His breath and the mountains that He formed, the bodies He designed and the ocean that is nothing but a drop of water in His vastness. We, at the heart of our beings, long for Him. We need to fear Him with a HOLY fear that translates into the security we have in His love for us.
This God loves us. He designed us to need Him. He desires us. He formulated our reality in life so that we come to Him, and glorify Him.
Isn’t that the most gut-wrenching, wonderful, frightening, glorious realization we could ever have? Christianity is not just a list of rules. It’s not a way of life meant to restrict you in any way. It’s real life. It’s the realest life you could ever life. Because it’s complete. It’s holy. Pure.
Dwell on that. Let Jesus in. Let Him bring you peace. I love you guys.